i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
