do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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