I want to walk on stilts...naked
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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