Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
