Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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