Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
