I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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