69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
