So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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