The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
