You just made me feel so damn special
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
