so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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