And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
