Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
