The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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