Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
