WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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