Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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