Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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