Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
