The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
if only i could text you this smell
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
