I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
