put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
