Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We are two peas in an std pod
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Randomize
