This dress was meant to end up on your floor
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
