He kissed a someone with a penis
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
