I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
