Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
