I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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