Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
