Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
