got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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