I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
