That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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