she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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