In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
