turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
