She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
