you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
