there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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