She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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