my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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