you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
