I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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