Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
