You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I need water and some morals
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
