You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
