New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
