I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
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