He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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