i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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