So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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